Self Defense

This is something that I was trying to avoid but it has gotten to the point where I feel I have to speak up and defend myself. To be completely honest this shit is getting old real fucking quick and it's not going to take too much more before I loose my cool! I pulled some quotes from Brandon's Blog in order to give you an idea of what has been going on......

• Kyle Foxxx was there with a guy that I am guessing is a new romance. (They were pretty ummmm... hands on all night.) I think I heard right when I heard Chris was his name. I don't know and was not told so I will stay away from claiming I know. I wish I knew how to answer people when they asked, "Is that his new boyfriend?" Actually, I wish I could convey to people how much I don't like to be confronted with that question. (I don't care how much I know I SHOULD be able to deal with it, I don't want to.)

I am very juvenile at times and tonight was one of them, I will be the first to admit. I still am so uncomfortable around Andy and now Kyle when they are with someone new, that I choose to stay away from it at this point.

I am at a feeling of resentment that I am not with them, silly 'cause I have not guided my own confidence to move on, and graciousness that I can still have them in ANY capacity in my life. It's too strange for me, so when I got a text message that the wife beaters were on the way, I think they meant Andy and Eric, I slipped out and went for a walk in West Hollywood.

I would rather not sift my emotions out at a nightclub when I am uncomfortable with my own feelings anyway. I mean could I possibly swing the sword any more selfishly? I can't handle being boyfriends with Kyle, I never got there with Andy, but I won't tolerate seeing them with someone else.

I know there is going to be a time when I can't get out of it, but so far, it's worked for me. I always say hi, stay cordial and choose to remove myself from being uncomforatable. I am glad they both have someone special enough to share nights like that with each other. I just don't want to see it

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To answer the question I've heard mentioned several times, I am not "dating" Justin nor is Chris my new "romance" ! These boys are my friends just like most of you and many others, yea they may be cute and we flirt but doesn't mean I'm fucking them. I'm in no hurry to start dating or be in a relationship anytime soon as I am still working through some emotions from the last relationship.



The other thing that is causing a problem is the fact that I care a lot about Brandon as well as his feelings even though we are separated, you just can't stop caring about someone over night even if you tried that's just the way it is. Well it's come to my attention that being around me now makes him uncomfortable and that he would rather remove himself from the situation completely. There is something I missed I think because I didn't see that coming, I know we are separated but I had hopes of maintaining a friendship at the least. I spent 6 months with the boy and have grown to love him as a person so of course I want to keep him as part of my life right? I am unsure how I feel about this situation right now but I don't like the feeling of hurting the one I care about when I don't know why or how....



-Oh and I just want to point out that just because I quoted from Brandon's blog does not make him the source of the problem. I have heard shit from all angles but right now all I am concerned about is resolving the situation.